Adultery means deceit, betrayal, and forgery. This is an extremely harmful practice for the family. See in this post how to protect your heart from adultery and also the path to forgiveness and restoration of your home.
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This post is a sequence of the series The 10 Commandments of the Family in which we deal with the 7th principle “You shall not commit adultery”. Commonly the term adultery is related to sexuality, but the Bible associates it with the heart’s intention to deceive and guides us to prevent our lives against this practice. This will avoid much suffering.
You shall not commit adultery.Exodus 20:14
How to Protect Yourself from Adultery
The Bible says that it is the Commandment, the Word of God, that protects a man from immoral women. You certainly don’t want to fail your marriage or destroy your family. So consider these 3 steps:
1. Define Your Long-Term Vision
Nobody gets married today to get divorced tomorrow. Whenever a situation of adultery happens and threatens a family, it is because an accident occurred along the way. And its main cause is usually the lack of long-term vision.
When Rapha and I were still friends, and we started talking about dating, I told her that my plan was to have 2 years of dating followed by 2 years of engagement. And then we would get married to stay together for a lifetime. She accepted! And so we go. Our relationship just gets better every day.
There are some relationships that we don’t choose. But when I decide to start a relationship willingly, I need a vision for the future. Of course, relationships are always an adventure, but I need to choose where I’m going, and not let life take me anywhere. You need to define your long-term vision with your spouse.
2. Practice Accountability
Next, I need to be accountable to the trustworthy people the Lord brings into my life. There is always someone I can trust, someone who is ahead of me. Even if he is not a spiritual, professional, or other inspiration in life, if he is faithful and has a healthy marriage, then I need to recognize that this person is a gift from God to my life.
I can count on different people at different times in life to share how my heart is, my marriage, and the difficulties that I have faced. Accountability will serve as a rearview mirror to ensure safety along the way. Be accountable with sincerity and frequency.
3. Respect the Necessary Boundaries
And finally, respect the necessary boundaries. You will discover these limits within your own context. There is no point in sharing mine or suggesting others. Each person needs to identify, according to their reality, which areas of weakness require their attention.
But I can say without a doubt that the relationship with the opposite sex requires special attention. The Bible guides us about this. There is a proverb that says that the price of a prostitute is a piece of bread but she hunts for precious lives (Prov 6:26).
While we lived in São José dos Campos we developed a project for the evangelization of sex workers, which brought the Word and love of God to many people. And at that time I discovered that not only women but also men from different status have suffered from this mistake of selling their bodies at a super cheap price, but causing huge losses to many families.
And these losses will be avoided if you immediately identify the necessary boundaries and share them with your family. Even let your children know what these agreements are, such as “don’t give a ride to the opposite sex if you’re alone”. Respect the necessary boundaries and you will be well protected against the temptation of adultery.
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.Jesus, Matthew 5:28
Path of Forgiveness and Restoration in the Event of Adultery
If you ended up getting involved in the practice of adultery, you need to cry out for help! Do not think that your family is over, nor do you consider divorce as the solution because one problem is not solved by creating another. The solution to complex problems is always simple. But it does require your courage to deal with it properly and with the help of a trusted person.
What the Bible says about the person who commits adultery is not encouraging at all. So, the best I have to say is that there is hope, but you need to cry out for help. And God will bring the right person and give you the grace necessary to overcome this “road accident” that must never be repeated.
He who commits adultery lacks sense;Proverbs 6:32
he who does it destroys himself.
- Pray for God’s forgiveness in the first place. Acknowledge that you made a mistake. Ask God to give you the grace you need to not make it again and give you a sincere heart in faithfulness. The Lord will give you the necessary grace;
- Ask for help from someone you trust, a person of the same sex, who can listen and advise you;
- Face with courage the need to confess your mistake and assume the consequences, whatever they may be. Don’t be afraid to lose your family. The only way to keep it healthy is to be sincere and, over time, you will have the opportunity to show your sincere and faithful love.
The consequences you will experience will not be the result of your spouse’s or anyone else’s choices, but your own decisions. And so, your path of forgiveness and restoration will surely prepare you for a healthier relationship with your family, as well as for helping others who are going through the same kind of difficulty in the future.
Adultery is an extremely harmful practice for the family. And the way you can protect yourself is by setting a long-term vision for your family, practicing accountability regularly, and respecting the necessary boundaries according to your own reality.
If you have been involved in adultery, cry out for help. There is hope for you. The Lord will give you the grace necessary to overcome this crisis and lead you on a path of forgiveness and restoration, for He is the one most interested in the success of your family.
Prayer: God, thank you so much for your eternal love. I ask you to give me your grace to keep my heart in line with yours, in love and fidelity every day of my life, in the name of Jesus. Amen.
What is the Holy Spirit saying to you?
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