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Boundaries: Who is in control of your life?

Boundaries are essential for a successful life. Without them, it is simply impossible to enjoy healthy relationships and gain lifelong satisfaction. Boundaries help us achieve emotional stability, lasting friendships, financial prosperity among other benefits. Learn in this post how to identify and set personal boundaries for the good of your family.

Reading time: 5 min
Versão em Português

Who is in control of your life? When it comes to your schedule, your finances, and your intimacy, there is no other person who can help you move forward safely than yourself. It is your right and responsibility to seek to understand what these boundaries should be and then apply them in a practical way to your daily life.

Command and control

I remember, for example, when I was working in an oil company with distillation and fuel treatment. High temperatures and pressures are needed to get the fuels you use daily. These variables need to be controlled to get the desired product, and avoid great losses.

For this, the managers were responsible for deciding the parameters, guiding the volumes and specifications of the products to be treated. We can call this command. They gave the instructions.

As a technician, my job was to control the operational variables within the predetermined parameters to get the desired result. My responsibility here was to govern those variables and keep them out of control.

Notice that there is a difference between command and control. There are different responsibilities between who sets the boundaries and the one who controls them. The Bible says that God set limits from the beginning. He is only in charge of everything we can imagine. His word is sovereign.

You set a boundary that they may not pass,
so that they might not again cover the earth.


This confirms what limits are important and necessary. God has set boundaries for the waters, for the duration of human life on earth, for day and night, and even for perfection. God is definitely in charge.

But you’re in control. Once the limits are established, it is your responsibility to cherish them. Your bank statement, for example, accurately reflects your stewardship of finances. The education of your children, the quality of your marriage, and your own health are also direct reflections of how you have addressed the boundaries your life needs. Especially for you, man.

At your own risk

This becomes increasingly challenging because we live in a society with misrepresented values. We need to study hours and spend a lot of money to do a test and, if approved, we get the right to drive a car with license. But without any study and with just a few money you can get married and raise a family.

Issues such as finances, sexuality, honor in relationships and others are grounds for crisis for families because of the difficulty people have in understanding the value of appropriate boundaries. This demonstrates, to a certain extent, a lack of understanding of identity and purpose in a person’s life. Lack of positioning, commitment, facing the variables that surround our lives.

Faith helps in that sense when you decide to listen to what God has to say about you and take it seriously. Trust in God with all your heart, knowing he is good at all times. So faith will guide you to the best decisions.

But, on the other hand, do not deny your responsibility. Take your stand and take care of what God has entrusted to you. This is a privilege. You have the right and the responsibility to move forward in your days full of success and prosperity.

Right because you deserve to take good care of your own life and family. You together deserve a better future. Do you remember that oxygen mask in the airplanes that, if necessary, you must put first in you so that you can help others? It’s just like that. Evaluate your marriage, your relationship with your children, with your leaders, friends, work partners, etc. You can identify areas that demand limits, and take good care of them.

When to say yes and how to say no

Boundaries refer to your responsibilities because you only have control over your decisions. Henry Cloud says that “boundaries let the good in, and keep the bad out”. He also uses a great expression as he invites us to observe when to say yes and how to say no to control your own life.

You’d better avoid saying yes to many invitations. And several times you need to say no, try to do it in a way that does not offend people. But tell them no whenever necessary. When it comes to everyday practical decisions, there are only 2 meanings, yes or no.

Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

Jesus in Mathew 5:37

Precious jewels

Rapha and I have collected a lot of “treaty” between us. These are precious jewels in our relationship. We feel safer and more relaxed in the face of decisions as we establish boundary agreements. A simple example, since we were married 11 years ago, we do not give a ride to a person of the opposite sex if we are alone. Under no circumstances. I’ve already been asked and my answer was simply no. Limits are “yes” or “no”. And that’s it.

Boundaries are responsible for ensuring us freedom. Imagine, near a busy street, a playground without fence. The children would be in constant danger, not knowing how far they could safely play. This is what happens in every area of your life where you do not have clearly established boundaries.

Boundaries are non-negotiable

There are only two things that have no limits: wisdom and evil. The Bible says there are no limits to writing books (Ecclesiastes 12:12). It also says that he who is lacking in wisdom should ask of God, and he will freely give it. The Bible is simply wonderful and every day I love to meditate on the Word of God:

I have seen a limit to all perfection,
but your commandment is exceedingly broad.

Psalms 119:96

But just as wisdom has no limits, so does evil. So it is your role to watch over your personal boundaries. Take care to protect your family from all that threatens you. Keep away from any possibility of danger and especially those areas where your family and friends have had a problem. Statistics do not lie. I am sure that finances and sexuality deserve your attention to avoid great gulfs.

Be honest with yourself. Accept your fragility and the reality that your family depends on your coherence to the necessary boundaries. Do not negotiate your limits and they will guarantee you security and freedom.

Prayer: God, thank you for your kindness and for setting boundaries for my security and freedom. I ask you for wisdom to discern the necessary boundaries and to be consistent with them. I know that if I do my part, You will surely do yours for the good of my family, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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One response to “Boundaries: Who is in control of your life?”

  1. […] Tempo de leitura: 5 minEnglish Version […]

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